


Two Rays Walk Into a Bar

by ButterflyGhost, Ride_Forever



Series: Fifty Shades of Ray [1]
Category: due South
Genre: Crack, M/M, characters-aware-of-fandom trope, walked-into-a-bar trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-13
Updated: 2013-07-13
Packaged: 2017-12-19 06:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/880578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ride_Forever/pseuds/Ride_Forever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray Vecchio and Ray Kowalski, discussing due South fandom, enter a bar together. Later, Fraser joins the conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Rays Walk Into a Bar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [happy29](https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy29/gifts).



> AN : This crack!fic was written in the course of Ride_Forever's visit from America to ButterflyGhost in England during which time Ride sat BG down in the local pub and taught her the tequila ritual : lick hand between thumb and index finger -- _hey, our fandom DOES lick things_ \-- pour salt on wet spot on hand, lick salt off -- _more licking!_ \-- gulp down shot of tequila, bite into slice of lime, repeat.
> 
> "Two fic writers walk into a bar." _Yes, we actually did write this fic at the bar while repeatedly doing the tequila ritual._
> 
> ==========================================================================

Two Rays walk into a bar – - “Ow! That hurt!” – - they both exclaim. 

They’re talking about the nature of the Ray Ray Wars.

“Yeah, Vecchio,” says RayK, “…maybe that whole thing was one person commenting under a bunch of different names, making it sound like a lotta fans were choosing between us.”

“Give it a rest, Kowalski,” RayV says good-naturedly. “You know you’re just jealous because the whole war thing was about how much the fans loved _me_ .”

“Uh huh, Vecchio, like the way ButterflyGhost loves you! Wanna hear what I have to say about her ‘Vecchio in Vegas’?”

“Yeah, Kowalski…and Ride loves you so much she sics that bitch Victoria on you with all that kidnapped-and-handcuffed-to-the-bed fic….”

“…not all greatness, true…but at least someone _cares enough_ to handcuff me to a bed….”

RayV rolls his eyes and calls over the bartender, saying to him “Shots of tequila with salt and lime for me and Stanley here…and keep ’em coming ’til we say stop.” After several shots, RayV muses aloud “Hey, Kowalski? You know what might really put an end to all that warring crap?”

“No, Vecchio, tell me,” RayK says indulgently.

“If we have sex with each other right here right now.”

“If we _what_ ?” RayK exclaims, wondering if he just heard that or if he has a head injury . “And with the writers and readers all watching?”

“Hell yeah! The fans call that ‘Ray slash Ray’ and some of them really go for it!”

“We can’t. A horse just walked into the bar and I can’t do it in front of a horse.”

“Ha. A horse walked into the bar, and the bartender said ‘Why the long face’…I know that one.”

By this time, both Rays –- while matching each other drink for drink –- have lost track of how many shots they’ve done.

RayV is sizing up RayK in a way he hasn’t done before. “So, Kowalski, how drunk _are_ you?”

“Not drunk enough to do it with a horse…uh…I mean in the horse’s front…no…I mean in front of the horse.” RayK laughs a bit hysterically, recovers, then continues with “…I dunno, Vecchio. You know how it is with me and Ben….”

“Why don’t you ask him? He just walked into the bar.”

Fraser enters with an “Ow! Oh dear. Just walked into the bar. That hurt.”

RayK responds with “Yep. We know. Been there, done that.”

Fraser orders a Virgin Mary. “You know, Rays, it’s possible to order a drink here that constitutes a vegetable serving. Furthermore, tomatoes are high in lycopene and therefore are known to reduce the risk of prostate cancer -–”

Grimacing, RayK interrupts. “Too much information there, Frase.”

RayV nods assent.

RayK clears his throat and says “Listen, Frase, Vecchio’s got this crazy idea that he and I can put an end to the Ray Ray Wars by having sex with each other right here right now.”

Fraser rubs his thumb over his eyebrow and then tugs at his collar.

RayK continues “Not that you and me ain't OTP here, but what do _you_ think of Vecchio’s idea?”

Fraser ponders, and acknowledges that it’s in a good cause. Then he smiles shyly and asks the Rays “May I watch?”

RayV gives a sly grin. “Well, Benny…how about you join us?”

“Yeah, Frase…like that Mountie seal of approval kinda thing!” RayK slings his arms around both Fraser and Vecchio, pulls them into a fierce hug.

“Oh! Ray and Ray! Thank you kindly!”


End file.
